Don’t know whether to describe this as laziness, but I am unable to continue. It’s too much theory, I am a science student, not really good at maths but I prefer a balanced combination of calculations and theory. This that am doing is called a Bsc, yet I am flooded with a lot of meaningless theory. No experiments, less calculations, I am supposed to celebrate but it’s tough; the theory is too much. I am afraid of failing but there is something alarming me even worse, these days I am struggling to drag myself to absorb all this theory. I am hands a on person, I am happy when I do, not absorb a bunch of strange words and vomit them on a test. For a Bsc this is crime. Where are the rest of the calculations? Where are the experiments? What is a Bsc? Isn’t science all about testing and proving? Why am I turned into a scan who absorb all the info as raw as it is and send it on a test paper. This is my last semester, I have to pass. To graduate next year but as for next year, where am I going with a theory I forgot when I vomited it on the test and exam paper? Will they accept me those employers or they will say I am incompetent. It is like I have got nothing to look forward to and there is nothing motivating me to study. No not study, MEMORISE! I keep telling myself it is water and sanitation degree dammit, study and pass. Wow even that is not motivating enough for me to drag myself to scan the notes. I have written one test, I haven’t received my script but disaster is what I wrote. I struggled to memorise everything. Am I being negative or complaining a lot? I don’t know but what I know is the theory is too much and I am struggling to memorise it all. I hope to pass and leave and at the same time I am asking myself where am I going next year. Education is supposed to give you hope, not crush all of it including the little dreams you had and now they are no more. I fear, wish I had money to start a new diploma or certificate but they say ‘you don’t need great money to start a big thing; you only need a great mind’. My mind is only flooded with negativity at the moment and the year is ending and I still don’t know what the future holds. I hope to rise above this just as I still have the energy to go to class and listen to more and more of this theory. Life is journey, not a destination, I guess I am experiencing my not-so-awesome-moments in my journey. I will make it, theory and all, it will work out. I still have fear, I still have regret for ending up in this degree but I should push. I should keep walking. There is no time to murmur and moan, education is too expensive to repeat courses. Yet I ask, how do I get myself out of this negative season?