Am struggling but but I got to keep moving.

Don’t know whether to describe this as laziness, but I am unable to continue. It’s too much theory, I am a science student, not really good at maths but I prefer a balanced combination of calculations and theory. This that am doing is called a Bsc, yet I am flooded with a lot of meaningless theory. No experiments, less calculations, I am supposed to celebrate but it’s tough; the theory is too much. I am afraid of failing but there is something alarming me even worse, these days I am struggling to drag myself to absorb all this theory. I am hands a on person, I am happy when I do, not absorb a bunch of strange words and vomit them on a test. For a Bsc this is crime. Where are the rest of the calculations? Where are the experiments? What is a Bsc? Isn’t science all about testing and proving? Why am I turned into a scan who absorb all the info as raw as it is and send it on a test paper. This is my last semester, I have to pass. To graduate next year but as for next year, where am I going with a theory I forgot when I vomited it on the test and exam paper? Will they accept me those employers or they will say I am incompetent. It is like I have got nothing to look forward to and there is nothing motivating me to study. No not study, MEMORISE! I keep telling myself it is water and sanitation degree dammit, study and pass. Wow even that is not motivating enough for me to drag myself to scan the notes. I have written one test, I haven’t received my script but disaster is what I wrote. I struggled to memorise everything. Am I being negative or complaining a lot? I don’t know but what I know is the theory is too much and I am struggling to memorise it all. I hope to pass and leave and at the same time I am asking myself where am I going next year. Education is supposed to give you hope, not crush all of it including the little dreams you had and now they are no more. I fear, wish I had money to start a new diploma or certificate but they say ‘you don’t need great money to start a big thing; you only need a great mind’. My mind is only flooded with negativity at the moment and the year is ending and I still don’t know what the future holds. I hope to rise above this just as I still have the energy to go to class and listen to more and more of this theory. Life is journey, not a destination, I guess I am experiencing my not-so-awesome-moments in my journey. I will make it, theory and all, it will work out. I still have fear, I still have regret for ending up in this degree but I should push. I should keep walking. There is no time to murmur and moan, education is too expensive to repeat courses. Yet I ask, how do I get myself out of this negative season?

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9 thoughts on “Am struggling but but I got to keep moving.

  1. Hello. Are you doing the course at university or distance learning ?
    You sound a bit overwhelmed. That is not necessarily a bad thing. Stress is OK but not too much.
    You also sound very capable and extremely honest.
    Is there anyone you can talk to ? Also … Don’t give up. Ask for help.
    Have some fun if you can. Imagine yourself when you get through this. 😀

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    1. dimphokay

      It is a full time university degree and I am completing. I am struggling to have fun as I think about next year with this question on my mind, “where am I going?”. Thank you for your kind words I hope and believe things will work out for the better.

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  2. I know the struggle and this all feels because from time to time I feel the same way. 😔
    I don’t know what advice I could give, but I agree with Chris, talking to someone about this always eases the anxiety a bit and makes me a bit more positive.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. My pleasure, I just wish you the best and that you find someone to talk to, maybe a guidance counselor if there are some to talk to in student services, or a friend or family member, someone you really feel is trustworthy. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I enjoyed your blog, and I know how it is to go through hard times. A few things I have found: is it ok if I share?
    Make sure you are eating, and fueling your body. When we are down we tend to not eat. Keep treating yourself well. Also, there are some really great natural ways to support your system to motivate for study prep and also to uplift the mood. You can read more about perfect nutrition on my blog and uplifting oils that are pure and natural, without side effects.

    Like

    1. dimphokay

      Thabk you for reading ma’am. I so eat a lot when I am down but I don’t eat healthy food. I will try to treat myself well beacuse I have been very good at not. Thank you I am going to head straight to the blog

      Like

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