Caring a lot really does hurt

Caring a lot really does hurt. You realise much and you hurt. Those who are careless always do bad things but because they don’t care they live a light life. Caring is supposed to beautiful but it is funnily not easy and heavy. I don’t want to wear tight fit dresses simply because the belly. You know why, I have seen someone with a flat stomach and realised how gorgeous they looked and that’s it my world fell apart. As for my confidence it was thrown out the window.

Remember that time you stressed because you have a pimple? Where your whole confidence was shaken just because your skin was  not flawless? It’s crazy right but it happens. Rememeber that time you were walking around your university campus during exam time without books and all students were walking around with books and you stressed that you were not studying while others did. You do study but just because a bunch of students were carrying books made you feel like you are not. Some of us can even spot that our belly fat increased by a milimeter.

Caring too much really hurt. This is because when you care , you realise and when you realise something you react to it. I know carrying is good and should be a trait all of us contain but sometimes it does hurt.

Troubled in the evening

She lay helplessly on her bed,

Wondering what made her angry.

She was already having a migraine.

She experienced many of those everyday.

The sun was bright that day,

She was bored but not to death,

She cooked a good meal,

She had a beautiful bath,

She had a quiet afternoon …

What made her angry?

It was in the evening,

She was struggling to sleep,

She could not tell what troubled her.

Even in the midst of my confusion and wondering…

Hey I am twenty years old. I don’t know how long I have lived without you, you left when I was too young to remember, so I don’t know. I have seen them getting angry, some so furious when they get a chance to finally meet you and I ask myself why, nothing can ever be reversed. Screaming at you will not turn back the time, everything has happened while you have been gone. I won’t lie that I don’t wonder why you had to leave. If you fought with my mom, it is not my business why did you leave me too? But if you didn’t want us both, I am still not angry. This is life, everyone has their flaws. I have seen many misbehaving, giving their mothers grief, while they are supposed to ease the pain by being good kids. And when they are asked why they behave that way, they say their dads left them. I have seen many suffering, mommy trying to make ends meet but the poverty so severe, it couldn’t be quenched. As for me, you left me. I have been angry for a while when trying to digest why you left. I know a bit about you. Yes I do. Your inlaws are living in the same community as me. I know you live and love the woman you are currently living with and your kids. I know you are responsible father to them, funny enough, I am grateful you did leave them as well. I know you still know some of my family members very well. I know you have a sister who wants to get to know me. That’s all I know. I don’t know how you look like. I don’t know why you left. I don’t know why you don’t come to see me since you know where I stay. I don’t know whether you are okay. I don’t know whether a day goes by with you thinking about me or not. I am simply grateful you look after the children you have and the woman you have. I have always lived my own strange life. One of the rules I gave myself is to not question my mother about things she, herself does not talk about. Yes I have never asked her anything, I am probably not planning to. She raised me all on her own and she did her best. She is a very strong woman and I admire that about her. I think about you only when I am wondering about my traits. Yeah days and even months go by without me thinking about you. You only cross my mind when I wonder which part of you I took or when I see a beautiful family of a mom, dad and kids catch my attention. Another thing that hadn’t been nice was that all my neighbours consist of two parents, working together to raise their kids. One is no more since the father left as well but I am not celebrating that ooh we are the same. No! That would be witchcraft. But at the of the day, I am still not angry. Many of my friends say I am weird, but what would hating you do for me. You are a family man, a responsible father, yet you left me. You are not a continuous run away groom where I can say oh, that’s how he function. So why get angry at the fact you prefer them that you have now and not me? I have a lot of questions, but I am used to not getting answers to a lot of things and so I am still not angry. Many kids are orphans out there, they will never get to meet their fathers and mothers if even they searched for them, themselves. My mom is alive and well. Should I not appreciate? I am just grateful you are alive and taking care of your woman and kids. Even in the midst of my confusion and wondering, I am not angry.

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pic cred: Google

Tough for the lazy

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photo cred: Courtesy of Google

Life is not tough for the poor, it is tough for the lazy. They are the first to dream big but they are not found in the queue to achieve those dreams. In fantasies they dwell and suffer the pain of waking up in reality just to realise they were day dreaming. They have the energy to talk and brag about their luxurious dreams but not even a single one of them convert some of that energy to set goals and make those dreams come true. They are normally cowards, they don’t want to fight for their lives to be a success. They are the most depressed for they know they are capable of doing but they just flush that capability in long days of sleep and daydreams. The problem with them is that they have a supply of food and clothes be it from parents, friends and spouse and so they are never shaken to do better for themselves. They complain a lot, they saw that beautiful life in their dreams and so they lash out at anything less than that life in reality. Sometimes I wonder, what would happen if the supply of their food, shelter and clothes came to an end. Will they realise this and look for work? Or they would turn into hobos and street kids. A poor man may lack resources, but they will push to get far and live a better life for themselves. A lazy man can have all resources and still make nothing useful out of them, nothing useful. They will actually become comfortable in knowing they are eating even when they are not satisfied. A lazy man suffers and the only cure for that person is himself/herself. Nobody can get involved. A lazy man suffers more than a poor man.

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photo cred: Courtesy of Google

Brown eyes

We have been together for 14 years and 8 months now. I remember the first days when our relationship started it was characterised by images, colour and lots of playing. It was fun back then and definitely not complicated. There was just joy and fun all over. When we took our relationship to the next level, the early days were still fun and less complicated. The pictures were still there but now there were also words and numbers. Some of the words were easy to grasp and some not so easy yet I still looked foward to being with you. We went yet again to another level, boy how you began becoming complicated and most of the time difficult to understand. I got angry, I exploded but you don’t have a replacement or even an alternative, it is either you or nobody. I dragged our relationship to work and it did because again we moved to another level. The level which for some it decides a future life of bliss and for some pain and shock where they feel they have wasted time in this long, non-ending relationship. Yeah in this more complicated level, I have only developed more hate for you and a great wish to be separated from you. You speak a language I don’t understand sometimes and I really do try to get you but I don’t. Yet as I have remained in this relationship and unfortunately will still have to remain for the rest of my life with you, why can’t I sing “Brown eyes” to you. For years and ticking, I can’t sing it. Dear education, we have been together for long and together we will continue on this journey. I will not walk away, all I want is to sing ‘Brown eyes’ to you. Is that too much to ask?

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photo cred: courtesy of Google

Monday motivation

I cry do not worry. I sleep on a wet pillow do not worry. I am in pain, do not come and cry with me. For the me you see with tears going down my cheeks, it is not a me who needs sympathy. But the me you see with tears going down my checks, is a me who got burned. So I do not cry for pain that need sympathy I cry for pain of playing with fire and getting burned. The pain is one that need you to come and say, yes you got burned now you need to stand up and keep moving foward. Only the dead fall and don’t get back up. Though the burns may be painful wounds that will turn into scars, you wipe your tears off and continue on your journey. Tears never sorted out the problem, they only delayed dealing with it. In life you either face the bull by the horns or it trample on you. It is painful to pull yourself together but tears are wiped off and life goes on. Yes support is needed, after all, as iron sharpen another, so is human to another. We work together to overcome yet we need not get comfortable in crying that lead us nowhere. We get burned from our irresponsibility, all we need to do is take responsibility and fix things, not crying.

When boredom strikes

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I am unhappy
There is no sign of life in me.
This is so scary,
I cannot afford to just live.
It pains me to live in my fantasies,
Yet there I dwell in comfort.
That is one of my tendencies.
I complain a lot,
Who would not in this boredom.
I want a road to stardom,
Ideas in my mind tossing as if a boiling pot.
My palm on my cheek,
As I imagine the journey ahead.
My life would be sweet,
As I see it in my head.
I am bored now
I want activity
Life is a possibility
Although nothing is happening now

I am a young udult

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Time does fly by. Today it is here, tomorrow it is there . Today you are this age, tomorrow you are moments, days, hours and seconds old. Your thinking is also different because you have grown from that second to the current one. You look and you still can’t believe that you who used to be a cute toddler to a teenager, you are now a young adult. Back in the days you did not think where to, your parents had such thoughts. You never asked yourself is there still enough maize meal. Today you are thinking such thoughts. You have a grown, you are growing. After all life is not a destination but a journey. Since a journey has changes, those changes open a room for growth, adventure and many things to learn about. I am a young adult. I have grown and I am growing.

From me to you,

Stay loving, stay loved. Stay blessing, stay blessed. God bless you all.